Something to brighten up your day !

Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your
previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me
where!"

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Wife: "Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left me and
brought all our five kids with him."
Radio Host: "Ok, go ahead!"
Wife: "Sweetheart, please return back all the kids, actually
only one of them is yours."

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Hello! I'm here again. My mind is all muddled up. I just want
to ask something. I know
that you will be able to help me out. Is BIRDS FLU the past
tense of BIRDS FLY?

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You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music
is very
loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music. When
you were
going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you,
and you suddenly realized . . . .
that you have your MP3 player on your ears !
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WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He said:
"GO TO HELL",
that's why I came home early.

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1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't
react...
2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react...
3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said "what is that you
are wearing,
it's all crumpled!!"

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John: it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?
John: I asked her what she wanted
Peter: what did she said?
J: anything, as long a there is a DIAMOND.
P: what did you gave her?
J: playing cards

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Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not t rue! My dad sez we are descendants of an
Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!