说话的艺术

急事，慢慢地说！
大事，清楚地说；
小事，幽默地说。
没把握的事，谨慎地说；
没发生的事，不要胡说。
做不到的事，别乱说；
伤害人的事，不能说。
讨厌的事，对事不对人地说。
开心的事，看场合说；
伤心的事，不要见人就说。
别人的事，小心地说；
自己的事，听听自己的心怎么说。
现在的事，做了再说；
未来的事，未来再说。
如果有对我不满意的地方，请一定要对我说！

Reborn Bruce Lee

三名旅行者

一共有三名旅客在沙漠中迷失方向。走着走着，他们也逐渐绝望。正当他们已精疲力尽时，美国旅客发现了一个神灯。中国旅客把神灯捡起，用力的擦了几下，一名灯神从神灯里冒出。

“我能让你们各自实现三个愿望。”灯神说。

法国旅客说：“我第一个愿望是要很多很多的美女，第二个是要回到我家，第三个愿望是要把这些美女带回家。”

美国旅客说：“我第一个愿望是要很多很多的美酒，第二个是要回到我家，第三个愿望是要把美酒带回我家。”

说毕，他们便消失得无影无踪。

这时，中国旅客才慢条斯理的说道：“我的第一个愿望是把法国旅客的美女带来沙漠，第二个愿望是把美国旅客的美酒带来着，第三个愿望是把他们两个人都变回来。”

灯神说：“你的愿望也将被达成。”

说毕，那两名可怜的旅客便与美酒，美女一同回到沙漠。

法国和美国旅客不断咒骂中国旅客，但中国旅客不以为然。

不久，同样的事情发生了。

但，这次的灯神，法力较低，只能让他们实现两个愿望。

法国旅客说：“我第一个愿望是要回到我家，第二个愿望是要把这些美女带回家。”

美国旅客说：“我第一个愿望是要回到我家，第二个愿望是要把美酒就带回我家。”

说完，他们便消失得无影无踪。

这时，中国旅客说：“我的愿望只有一个，那就是让他们回来陪我。”

灯神说：“你的愿望也将被达成。”

说完，美国和法国旅客又回来了。

第三次，同样的事情有发生了。

美国与法国游客有同样的想法：“反正到头来还是归零，倒不如好好享受。”

于是，美国人与法国人各要了美酒和美女。

这时，中国人才说：“我要回家。”

The Scientist and the Frog

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."

So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."

So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one feet."

So the scientist cut off his last leg.

"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."

Who Is God?

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

While the Cat's Away

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Drunk at Your Door

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.

He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?"

"No. Get lost, it's half-past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing set."

医生与病人

有一个人，他写信给一名医生，信里写着：“亲爱的医生，我得了一种怪病，请问我可以私下来见您吗?”
医生说：“可以啊。明天下午来见我。”


隔天下午，那人来见医生，医生说：“我很忙，快点说。”
病人：“我得了一种怪病，那就是当我说话时，我看不见别人。”
医生：“那是在什么情况？”
病人：“当我再听电话时。”

=.=''

U need to listen to the whole story

Eat more chocalate , you feet will become smaller

Based on Medical school, it really work !!!

slim down doraemon??

funny video

Make you laugh in 5 sec

PETROL PRICE HIKE - UBAH GAYA HIDUP

Funny and hilarious cartoons about the Malaysian Politics

Funny Dinner Tricks

How to make a ghost appear on your cell phone

Something to brighten up your day !

Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your
previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me
where!"

________________________________________________________________

Wife: "Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left me and
brought all our five kids with him."
Radio Host: "Ok, go ahead!"
Wife: "Sweetheart, please return back all the kids, actually
only one of them is yours."

_______________________________________________________________

Hello! I'm here again. My mind is all muddled up. I just want
to ask something. I know
that you will be able to help me out. Is BIRDS FLU the past
tense of BIRDS FLY?

_______________________________________________________________

You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music
is very
loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music. When
you were
going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you,
and you suddenly realized . . . .
that you have your MP3 player on your ears !
______________________________________________________________

WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He said:
"GO TO HELL",
that's why I came home early.

_______________________________________________________________

1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't
react...
2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react...
3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said "what is that you
are wearing,
it's all crumpled!!"

_______________________________________________________________

John: it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?
John: I asked her what she wanted
Peter: what did she said?
J: anything, as long a there is a DIAMOND.
P: what did you gave her?
J: playing cards

________________________________________________________________

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not t rue! My dad sez we are descendants of an
Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!

Must Change Lifestyle

Out somewhere expensive

When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded

that I take her out to some place expensive................ ...

So I took her to a petrol station

太累了嗎？ 輕鬆一下.......

打九折
某天早上，我同學兩人坐在車位上，
身旁站著兩位建中男同學， 我同學竊聽那兩建中男生的閒聊…
A男：唉…還記得我前幾個禮拜去訂作制服褲嗎？！
B男：記得呀！怎樣？！
A男：那天我去西門町那訂作呀…老板就在幫我量尺寸，
他就問我你想打幾折…我心裡就在想第一次來這不要太狠，就很客氣的對老板：「說呵~~打九折就可以啦！ 老板猶豫一下就回答我：「好！…」 B男：嗯~~那不錯呀！然後...？
A男：然後？！誰知道…老板原來是問褲子腰邊旁要打褶啦！ 害我穿上訂作褲，看起來像百褶裙… B男一臉錯鄂愕：啊？！不會吧？！ A男滿臉悲憤的邊拉起外套邊說：不相信你看嘛… 頓時只見B男和我那憋很久的同學們都像發了瘋一般在各自抽慉狂笑…

一夜激情
一夜激情之後，我起身從褲兜中掏出一支香煙，
但卻找不到打火機，於是我問那女孩身邊有火嗎？
「第一個抽屜裡好像有火柴。」女孩回答。
我打開床頭櫃的抽屜，看到一個火柴盒，火柴盒的下面有一張陌生男人的照片，我覺得很奇怪，於是 好奇地問：「他是你丈夫？」
當然不是，傻瓜！」女孩依偎在我身邊。
「那是你男朋友？」我接著問。
「不，也不是！」女孩一邊回答，一邊輕吮著我的耳朵。
「那，這會是誰？」我充滿疑惑地問。
「那就是手術之前的我。。。。。」

戴隋同？？）
某高中學校學生名叫戴隋同。
某日，訓導處某位老師向全校廣播：「高二同學，戴隋同到訓導處來。」
結果十分鐘後，訓導處前擠滿了帶著大小水桶的同學，還有人在問：「要不要裝水啊？」

◎有一次逛街時突然覺得肚子痛

於是走進街角的叻坊酒巴，想說借個廁所用用，偏偏 找遍了一樓就是找不到，於是我跑到二樓去，
二樓卻空蕩蕩的沒有任何東西，最後發現有一間廁所外貼著\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\‘故障待修,請勿使用 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’，我想說實在是忍不住了，管他三七二十一，反正四下無人，脫了褲子就朝馬桶蹲下去，霹靂啪啦
……好爽！！
結束後，我走下樓去卻發現空無一人，奇怪了，剛才樓下還高朋滿座， 怎麼一下子就人去樓空呢？？連吧台酒保都不見了…… 於是我走近，並且敲敲吧台問到：「有人在嗎？怎麼都沒人了？？」
此時，只見酒保利雲從吧台下鑽出來，並且開口說： 「我操！他媽的！……
剛才大便打中天花板上的電風扇的時候你不在嗎？？」

為什麼？
小魏打電話給女同學小美，沒想到是她媽媽接的。
小美的媽媽：小美不在，請問你貴姓？
小魏：我姓魏。
小美的媽媽。魏什麼？
小魏：我....我也不知道為什麼..我爸爸姓魏，我就跟著姓魏....

先後秩序
一天，小華上作文課，作文題目是：「我的願望。」
小華寫著：「我第一個願望是希望有個可愛的寶寶，第二個願望是希望有個好丈夫．．．。」
作文簿發下來後，只見老師評語處寫到：「請注意先後秩序！」

求婚
六歲的小芳粉可愛，常常被班上小男生求婚。
有一天，小芳回家後跟媽媽說：「媽咪！今天小強跟我求婚要我嫁給他…」
媽媽漫不經心的說： 「他有固定的工作嗎？」
小芳想了想說：「他是我們班上負責擦黑板的。」

心痛ㄉ感覺
某日,某某高中舉行園遊會,其中有一個攤位是賣調酒ㄉ...

MENU上寫著
螺絲起子................NT70
血腥瑪莉................NT80
藍色夏威夷..............NT80
心痛ㄉ感覺..............NT80

由於從來沒看過'心痛ㄉ感覺'這東東, 於是便好奇ㄉ點了一杯,過了不久, 從窗口遞來一杯.....80元的白開水... 嗚! 好痛..

犯詐欺罪
某所大學的法律系，有一天考刑法。
教授向學生提出的第一個問題是：『什麼叫詐欺罪？』
學生回答說：『如果您不讓我考試及格則犯詐欺罪。』
教授非常詫異：『怎麼解釋？』
學 生說：『根據刑法，凡利用他人的無知而使其蒙受損失的人則犯詐欺罪。』.....

背書
一個學生拿到生平第一張支票，
興沖沖的跑到銀行去存，經辦人員看了看支票，
啪地一聲，把支票放回櫃檯上說：『背書！』
這個學生嚇了一跳，一頭霧水、怯生生地問： 『請問要背那一段？』

買衛生棉
幾個七,八歲的小男孩決定湊錢買玩具.七湊八湊之下湊了四百圓.
'四百圓可以買什麼呢?' 其中一位問到...
'我想我們可以去買衛生棉.'
另一個回答... '衛生棉有什麼好?'
大夥兒一齊問他...
'我也不太清楚.不過電視上說有了它,
就可以爬山,滑水 ,打球,溜冰,自由快樂沒煩惱

請假
相信大家都還記得，小學時代請事假一定都要事先遞假單給老師
我同學教小學三年級，有一天她的一個學生因為奶奶過世要出殯，必須回南部，所以在
事假單的「事由」上寫著：「出殯」。
我同學糾正他說，「事由」應該是請假的人要去作的事才對，果小朋友點點頭、
拿回座位改，不久後拿來改過的事假單，只見「事由」由「出殯」改成----「陪葬」！

以為觸電
有一次上課時，老師突然看到一位學生右手上著石膏，綁著繃帶，
於是，師問：怎麼才幾天不見你，你的手是怎麼啦？
生：斷掉了。
師：啊！怎麼會斷掉？
生：因為我太懶了，所以就斷掉了...
師：啥！太懶了手也會斷掉啊？
生：沒有啦！因為前幾天我走在路上，走著走著有一棵小石頭就跑到我的鞋子裡，因為我懶的把鞋脫下來 倒石頭嘛，所以就右手扶著電線桿，左腳在半空中搖啊搖的，我想把石頭搖下來，結果後面突然跑來 一個人，用棍子把我的手打斷了 ....
師：為什麼？？
生：唉.....他以為我觸電...........

Your Eyes Love to Play Tricks on You...

The Dwarf

Stare for 30 seconds, then turn to a white space


Mirror, Mirror On The Wall



How Many Deers Are There?

Fedex, We Live To Deliver



It's No Photoshop Trick





Come, Head, The Tide Is Coming!



The Old Castle Gate



The Dwarf and The Giant


And let's change position...


Observe Carefully, He is NOT Fishing In The Clouds


Google Earth

She's Holding A REAL Mirror...

Once you have found the face in this coffee beans pile, every next time you look at this picture you will see it immediately.

Cube Toy Illusio

Solve This Puzzle. This cube is composed of two parts. If you take the upper part, obviously you will pick up the whole cube, yet the cube can easily be decomposed without breaking it. The answer is simple, just think for a second.





This is the solution as you probably assumed:

睡意朦胧

考试笑料

　一次语文考试，诗句填空是白居易的《题大林寺桃花》中的一句“不知转入此中来”，正确答案应是“常恨春归无觅处”，我前排一个同学愣是填了“常恨村姑无觅处”。
　　高中时候也是填诗词下句。上句是：“洛阳亲友如相问”；我一个同学填：“就说我在岳阳楼”。
　　高中一次语文考试，也是填下一句：“蚍蜉撼大树，()”。我有一同学填：“一动也不动”。很符合事实。
　　高中语文考试，写古诗下句。上句是：“待到山花烂漫时”，我们班一人居然填了：“我便奋力把花采”。
　　以前同学读课文，其中有一句：拿出芭蕉扇扇扇。本来停顿应该是拿出芭蕉扇，扇扇。那同学直接读成：拿出芭蕉，扇扇扇！
　　老师曰：“西塞山前白鹭飞”，一同学憋半天憋不出，于是答：“东村河边黑龟爬”！

城里的人没有人味

从前，有一个乡下的蚊子和一个城里的蚊子是好朋友，有一次乡下的蚊子请城里的蚊子到乡下玩，到了晚上就请城里的蚊子搓饭。因为乡下人穷，都不挂蚊帐，所以两只蚊子饱餐一顿。
　　过了些日子，城里的蚊子回请乡下的蚊子到城里玩。到了晚上也要请客人吃饭，可城里人都挂蚊帐，两只蚊子在城里转了半晚也没找着个可叮的人。可是又不好让客人空着肚子回家，城里的蚊子只好带乡下的蚊子到庙里去，两只蚊子对着泥菩萨叮了半天，天亮了乡下的蚊子就回家了。
　　回去以后，其他乡下的蚊子问它：“城里怎么样啊？”，它回答说：“城里哪都挺好的，就是城里的人没有人味儿。”

The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"

Hooligan Hijinx

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."

Penguins Go to the Zoo

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Gorilla Control

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."